I started my morning at 5am because a certain someone was “cold” and needed snuggles. Sounds so cute right? But oh my gosh….it’s only 9:22 am as I write this and I already texted my husband that he needs to schedule a vasectomy. I’ve been asking myself all morning why did we have children, what’s the point, why is this so hard, and will this EVER end!? I know I sound so skeptical and as I re-read this I know I sound like a bad mom, but seriously…am I the only one that ever feels this way? Probably not. Kids are cute and bring a lot of joy…but most days something goes wrong and all I want is for it to be 7:30pm so I can get them in bed. I’m always needed, I’m always holding someone, and I feel like it’s a cycle of laundry, feeding someone, fixing a problem, changing another dirty diaper, cleaning up the kitchen, disciplining my 2 year old, and then doing it all over again. I CAN’T WIN in this season of life. I feel beyond helpless. What about me!? I’m tired and annoyed too, and would love to throw myself on the floor and have someone make things better. They are little people yet they make my life so frustrating…and so amazing at the same time. How can I feel this!?!? Sometimes I want to hire one of those amazing nanny ladies from Europe and have her become their new mom while I take a month break. But I know I’d miss them…
I feel like I have to just “power through” the next 4 years until they are in school. That sounds like an awful plan though. I want to ENJOY these years, not wish them away. How do I even do this!?
Funny thing is, at the end of the day, I don’t think there is anything more important than doing all those “mom” things. It’s like washing Jesus’ feet…seems like the low work, but yet it’s the humbling and selfless acts that bring us closer to Him, and it’s the crap work and helplessness that brings us to our knees. What can I offer the Lord today? Dirty diapers, a bad attitude, dishes stacked up, and feeling helpless is all I have in front of me…yet He loves me and wants it all. Even though I have nothing, He wants to fill my cup not just to the brim but overflowing with patience, joy, and everything I need to get through the day and love these little ones. We moms understand on a daily basis how it feels to be at our wits end and feeling like we have nothing left. But I think that’s the perfect place to be because we understand our need for Christ, and I think that’s the beauty in the DISASTER of being a mom some days.
If you’re feeling “done” today even though it’s still the morning, know that God doesn’t just love you if you bring your best acting like super mom. He loves you despite all the crap and still desires to have a relationship with you. At least I have that going for me today.